When will men stop debasing female reproductive functions? Women’s bodies do many many things, but there are two in particular which seem to draw disgust from some men (such as Nigel Farage and Jeremy Clarkson): lactation and menstruation.

I’ll start with lactation. Jeremy Clarkson says that breastfeeding is “natural. Just like urinating”. Except that it’s nothing like urinating whatsoever. Because you don’t feed babies with piss. In case you don’t know: lactation is the production of milk designed to nourish newborn children. Quite different to the passing of urine. Hint: it uses totally different body parts and also has nothing to do with the digestive system; it’s not waste that’s being excreted from the body, and it’s entirely beyond comparison with going to the toilet. To tell a woman to go and breastfeed in a toilet is both insulting and just deeply misled; would you like to sit and eat your dinner in the toilets? No? Well stop telling babies to. That, truly, is gross and pretty unhygienic. Either put up with it in public spaces, create specially-designed private spaces for feeding to happen, or shut up.

Let’s just take a moment to think about something: we live in a society where women are expected to reproduce, and then are shamed for their reproductive functions.

Maybe men like Jeremy Clarkson are unable to distinguish between urination and lactation because they can’t get their heads around the fact that, when it comes to reproduction, female bodies can do things that male ones can’t. Until men like this finally acknowledge that women’s bodies are truly different and perform incomparable functions, they will continue to shame women for reproducing.

The same thing happens with periods. Ever since I started menstruating, I’ve more or less been told that it’s disgusting – both explicitly by boys who “don’t want to hear about it” because they “wouldn’t want me to hear them talk about their poo”, who “don’t trust something that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die”. Or just by sanitary product manufacturers who deem it necessary to produce scented tampons or create adverts with blue liquid. I’ve had cis men tell me that menstruation is “just the same as pissing or shitting”, despite the fact that they’ve never experienced a period. Menstruation only seems to warrant such disgust from men because their only vague basis for comparison is excretion. But again, it’s a completely separate function. Reminder: it’s the shedding of a womb lining that allows a new one to grow in order for a woman to comfortably house a fetus for 9 months. It is absolutely not the passage of food waste. Without menstruation, there is no pregnancy. Without pregnancy, there are no new babies. Without new babies, there is no human race. Menstruation is essential to human existence and is completely separate from the digestive system and I repeat: absolutely nothing like shitting or pissing. Got it? Good.

So that’s it really: women’s bodies do completely different things to men’s. That doesn’t make us unequal, because equality is not sameness, it just makes us different. Blokes who have a problem with this need to stop trying to make these pathetically flawed comparisons and go back to primary school for a basic biology lesson that they should have grasped by now. Oh yeah and stop shaming women! It’s just rude.